Happy Moments

Today despite everything else I had a smile put on my face that will be lasting. As I was going through my closet seeing what fit and what did not made me so happy! I know that I have lost a lot of weight but seeing on the scales is one thing , trying on clothes in your closet is another. As I went through my clothes and found so many that were no longer wearable because they were baggy and falling and just looking horribly big was a happy moment that will get me through the difficult times. Although most of my weight loss was due to illness it is still a victory. I hope I can continue to lose weight by eating healthier and trying as hard as it is to put physical activity in.

Tired

I have been so tired lately and in so much pain. I often wonder if this will ever end. Will I ever get the help I need? Are the doctors really listening and understanding what I am going through? Its so hard to deal with getting more difficult each day. My kids are missing out on so much because I can't seem to feel well enough and with no help they loose out in the end. Do any of the doctors care about how this is destroying my life and my families? It doesn't seem like it. I don't know why I keep bothering to go back they are not helping. I am so tired of the doctors not doing anything, tired of being in pain and just plain tired from not getting any sleep.

Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful thanksgiving dinner. Unfortunately I spent 3 hours in the er Monday afternoon in terrible pain. On Friday I had my second lithrotripsy treatment and was told it was good. So the stone apparently broke up and was not suppose to give me anymore trouble. HA! They have never had a kidney stone! They couldn't have otherwise they would have gave me something for pain. So by the time Monday came I could not stand the pain and made the trip into the er and spent 3 hours there wishing I was home helping with dinner. When I got home dinner was ready and waiting and it was soooooooooo good! I am so glad my husband knows how to cook otherwise we would have been starving. This year I am especially thankful for my family and hope that we have many more Thanksgiving dinners together that are happy and joyful as this one was. Yes even though I spent 3 hours in the hospital it was still a good one because we were together. As my oldest daughter gets older I hope that she sees the importance of spending the holidays with her family and continues to spend it with us. I often worry that as she gets older she won't want to be with us on holidays like I see so many other kids now going to spend them with friends instead of family. However , I think at least I hope that we are showing her the importance of family and family togetherness.

Our Health Care?

I have been suffering for 4 years with back pain and to this day have never seen a specialist! I don't understand what it takes for someone to get the help they need with our health care system the way it is. Some people are fortunate enough to get to see someone and get the help they need but me I am just suffering in so much pain everyday. My doctor does not give me enough pain medication to live a productive life due to the dependent nature of the drugs used to relieve the pain. So instead of living life and trying to enjoy what little time god will allow me to be here I lay on the couch day after day in terrible pain. When things become this bad in a persons life shouldn't the quality of life count for something? Does this not suggest a person should see someone with expertise to help that person? The Canadian health care system has really gone down the drain and what are we suppose to do about it? With all the new drugs out on the market and so many bad side effects and doctors really not being educated enough we have to do our research stand up for ourselves and really be our own advocates.